One of the main problems with today’s technological environment is that it takes out the interpersonal skills required to secure and grow fruitful and fulfilling relationships. A lot of relationships that otherwise would flourish do not happen because people do not use their time in a tactful and meaningful way that would ensure a fruitful outcome. This most often occurs at the beginning of the relationship and more specifically – the first date.
This article is written to help you keep your mind on the goal, and to avoid the common mistakes people have when getting to know and grow with each other.
The first thing to understand is that relationships are not microwaved. In today’s world, you can Google a topic and get information instantly, you can microwave food so you can eat it faster, and you can twitter events to let people of interest know what is happening NOW.
Get out of the mindset of the world, and realize that relationships are planted, nurtured, cultivated and grown over time.
When starting a new relationship – take your time. It is the one thing you can give that has more value than anything else in the world because it is irreplaceable. It is the deposit of YOUR time in another individual that compounds their interest in you – and for you. This is what you want. An intimacy that cannot be bought, bartered or traded.
Your initial deposit starts on the first date. If we assume that the normal protocol is in place for this meeting which includes being on time, neatly dressed, and proper in language, the next thing of supreme importance is the topic of your conversation.
Ironically, people treat the first date like an interview. You only show, demonstrate and harp on your strengths and brush over your weaknesses in order to make the best first impression. It is done in bullet point fashion with a little personality thrown in at times. On a first date, you do the opposite. You invest your time by giving the substance of the bullet points, with a lot of personality thrown in. This means that you are giving of yourself information that a person cannot read in a resume’ or a bio of you. You are talking about you so, be yourself – and not your own representative! This by itself will guarantee a genuine first impression, if you have qualities that your date appreciates.
If you are not yourself, you are creating more questions that when answered later may destroy your deposit of time, energy and effort required to take the relationship to the next level. Also, don’t insult your date’s intelligence because ultimately, you will end up leaving a bad impression. Don’t be your own worst enemy. If you leave a bad impression, you are guaranteeing there will not be a second date.
In learning about other people, compare it to ‘peeling back the onion.’ This ensures that time will be invested properly so you not only divulge and learn the ‘what’ a person did, likes, or is going through, but also the ‘why’ they behaved the way they did in certain situations. This is ultimately the most important thing to understand for you to have an intelligent way to judge your compatibility.
Therefore, unless you are dating a person you met through a common affiliation with one of these topics, these are the ones to avoid on the first date:
Unless you already know your date’s political interests, it is a surefire killer of you having another one. This is because you and your date will have preset of notions regarding opposing political views. By talking about politics, you place an adversarial theme on your date which can become intensely heated and even hostile.
Again, unless you met your date in church or at a religious function with a shared belief, it is a topic to avoid on a first date. In American institutions which stress the separation of church and state, when it comes to dating, religion and politics tend to go hand and hand. Avoid them at all costs. There is already tension on both parties that do not need to be exacerbated by discussing topics that are on some levels are actually DESIGNED to separate one from another.
Save this topic until you and your date get to know each other better. By discussing your sexual proclivities, preferences and prowess, you give the impression that your desire for sex is more important than anything else they have to bring to the table. There are other things that add substance to this meeting.
Your Entire Life Story:
Avoid giving your date the ‘this is my life’ story. Assume that would be a major turn-off for your date, and could even scare them off. Again, save this for a later date. Ask about certain non-confrontational situations but avoid asking your date about his/her life story. Your date could feel pressured or insecure and by the way, it is none of your business at this time. If you rant on about your life story, your date may think of you as being self-centered. Conversely, if you are patient and truly interested in hearing what a person has to say about themself – then let them speak. This is one situation where the interview and dating conversations match. People love to speak about themselves, and if you are genuinely interested, they will have a favorable impression of you because they believe you can relate to them.
Inner Most Secrets:
This can be grouped with life stories as one of the most inappropriate topics on a first date. Avoid this one like the plague because your date’s inner most secrets are none of your business and vice-versa. You haven’t earned the right to know because you haven’t even invested enough time to earn that dividend. The opposite is also true. Respect yourself and don’t just give away this information to someone you just met. You have value, and your time and attention is valuable beyond compare. Treat yourself with respect and ask yourself this question: How would you feel if asked the same question or given this information?
This should be self-explanatory. It can immediately turn your date off. Are you on the rebound? Are you brooding? Do you expect me to live up to certain presumed expectations? Are you incapable of ‘letting it go?’ Will it cause you to treat me like them or take revenge on them through me? Because of these reasons, it is a taboo first date topic to use.
Do not touch upon the intricacies of ethnicity or nationalities. These topics can be grouped with politics and religion because they are discussed from a biased view, whether it is intentional or not. Unless you are discussing your own group and how it shapes your own thoughts, behavior and desires – do not bring it up or offer your opinion. Unless you know for sure your date’s opinion of this topic, you are sure to place yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
This is self-explanatory. If you bring up money, it only makes your date thing you are only interested in theirs or you are trying to impress them with yours. Avoid bringing up that this topic. More often than not, this topic is considered shallow.
Finally, if you avoid bringing up these topics, you give yourself a greater than decent chance of having a second chance if all else is equal.
If you need topics to bring up, try sports, music, hobbies, favorite movies, and other benign activities. Finally, remember, first impressions are everything so value and respect their time and yours, and be yourself.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Michael_Kinlow/1164749